The Flyers Need to Win to Save the City of Montreal

The Sport Hump ran this story about rioting in Montreal after the Canadiens won Game Seven of their first round playoff series. At least 16 cars were torched and fans broke into numerous businesses.

I saw the video on I think SportsCenter and it looked like it got really bad into Montreal.

Because of this, I call on the Flyers and serve the Canadian people by beating Montreal in the semifinals of the Eastern Conference Playoffs.

You will save the city of Montreal and its suburbs by knocking the Habs out. You saw what happened after the first round of the playoffs. I cannot imagine what the city would look like if a trip to the Eastern Conference Finals was enstore for the Habs.

I'm thinking something like this:

Current Canadiens Patrice Brisebois, Steve Begin, Mathieu Carle, Mathieu Dandenault, Yann Danis, Maxim Lapierre, and Guillaume Latendresse are from the Province of Quebec. Save your homeland! Take a dive (like throw the game, not flop when a Flyer touches you)! Give the series to the Flyers. Do you want your homeland looking like war zone?


And now I call on current Flyers Marty Biron, Daniel Briere, and Simon Gagne too save your homeland by going on the greatest quest ever and defeat the Canadiens. Gagne lace them up, be like Willis Reed. Hobble out onto the ice dizzy and get the first shot on goal. You will fire up your teammates to save the Province of Quebec.


Briere: you turned down the Canadiens during the off-season to play for the Flyers. Show them it was your secret plan to come back to Montreal in the playoffs and save the city from itself by defeating Montreal in the playoffs.


Do not let a Canadiens victory destroy the land you love and call home.


Photo Credits: USA TODAY, History Channel

76ers Abandon Attempt to Acquire All Four Korvers

Philadelphia-- The 76er's trade of Kyle Korver ended former General Manager Billy King's longtime goal of signing all four Korver brothers. The 76ers acquired Kyle Korver from the Nets who drafted him 51st overall in 2003 for an undisclosed amount of cash.

The 76ers traded Kyle to the Jazz for a first round pick and Gordan Giricek. New Sixer's GM Ed Stefanski quickly cleaned up Billy King's mess by ending the 76ers quest to have all four Korver brothers play for the 76ers.

The 76ers had planned on going after two of Kyle's brothers who played each other last night in the Missouri Valley Conference. Kaleb Korver is a freshman guard for the Creighton Blue Jays. He's seeing a modest 12 minutes a game and averages 3.5 points.

"I saw him when he was a freshman back in high school in Pella, Iowa. He looked like he could turn into a lottery pick out of high school, but with the new age rules, he had to go to college. It seems like he might not pan out to be a superstar, but could become a solid role player," says the former GM Billy King.

The 76ers also fell in love with Kirk Korver, a senior at Pella High School who also has a sweet shot. The 76ers think he could have supplanted Kyle as the team's top three point shooter.

"I've never seen a guy shoot the rock like he can," says King, "He will be something special."

The final brother Klayton Korver is a senior three point threat for the Drake Bulldogs which had the 76ers willing to give up everything they had to trade up to the number pick and draft Klayton. Klayton has reached double digit points seven times this year which makes Billy King think he's a project 100% worth developing.

"Some guys come out of school raw despite having four years in college. It will be our job to work him into a better basketball player and into our rotation," says King.

When chairman Ed Snider saw a napkin that Billy King had written down a potential roster containing all four Korvers he fired King on the spot.

"I was getting tired of people thinking we had Ashton Kutcher on the team so the thought of having four players that looked like him was upsetting. I knew right then and there King had to go," says Snider, "I thought King was a great GM despite letting Allen Iverson go and letting the team struggle through one the worst stretches in team history. I hope King can continue his dream to have all four Korver's united under one roof somewhere else."

All quotes are fake. This story is completely fake.

University of Miami and Syracuse University Working Out Trade

S.U. and Miami U. are both trying to upgrade their schools and might make a personnel swap to do.

Miami showed interest in Syracuse athletic director Darryl Gross recently, but didn't the resources to lure him away from Syracuse. Miami has come up with plan B to get Gross.

They are offering Sam L. Grogg, dean of the School of Communications at Miami to fill the soon to be vacant position of dean of the Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse.

Should this trade go through, it would be the biggest block bluster deal in Syracuse University history.

Grogg holds degrees from Bowling Green University and Western Illinois University. Grogg says he's open to the possibility of going north. He says he hasn't seen snow in ages and would love to see some for a change of pace.

If Chancellor Nancy Cantor doesn't follow through with the trade, the school will pursue Lorraine Branham, the director of the School of Journalism at the University of Texas-Austin.

Cantor says Miami might have to throw in a person to be named later in the deal.






This story is completely fake. All paraphrases/quotes are fake.